How About Some Zombie Rape

August 10, 2007

I take no credit for this. The following images were merely borne out of sheer genius from the guys over at I-Mockery.com. I was always fascinated by zombie films for reasons I can’t fathom, so when I saw this recently I was really really really excited. I think this is the root of all my horrific fascinations when I was a child, the one source that bred all the little wingdings of evil residing in my mind.

I remember Thriller very well. Wacko Jacko’s album was the greatest selling album of all time, or so says the Guinness World Records, and I remember my father having a vintage LP of this record, and he would play it all afternoon to make me and my sisters sleep. Talk about being lulled to neverland. Hah!

I was born three years after the song and the album has long been popular, but never mind the years, man. Never mind that Jacko fucks little children up by holding them upside down out the window, or touching their mini-me’s in their shorts. I still think the world wouldn’t be complete without his penis-cupping dance moves or his appearances in other films like The Planet of the Apes.

The music video itself was very long, fourteen minutes full of zombified greatness, and I quote:

I don’t care if you disagree with me about Thriller being the best, because if you do, you’re wrong. But one thing that we can certainly all agree on is that Thriller was amazing, especially for its time, and it really changed the way music videos were seen from that point onward. It set the new standard and any big/popular music video that was made afterwards was inevitably compared to it in one way or another. And even despite all of Jackson’s bizarre career fuckups over the past decade, no music video has even come close to creating the fan frenzy that Thriller generated.As a kid, it was like being allowed to see a horror movie that the parents wouldn’t normally let you watch. There was so much excitement surrounded by it and everybody was fairly convinced that Michael Jackson would soon be elected President of the World. And while I guess it’s good that never happened, it’s sad to see what’s become of music videos today. You see, Thriller came out back in 1983, when MTV was actually good. It was a real music television network that actually showed music videos instead of shitty sitcoms about spoiled teens and their struggles to overcome further pampering.

This brought a question in my mind: since MTV has gone to hell, how many kids haven’t actually seen or will never see Thriller? That thought is probably scarier than the music video itself. But damnit, I’m at least gonna do my part by paying tribute to it because everybody should see Thriller in its entirety at least once. So here it is; my recap of the video for Michael Jackson’s Thriller!

And so, without further ado, here’s some of my favorite scenes from Thriller:

Thunder! Lightning! Some weird eery music and a man masturbating beside you!